How I Have Maintained Weight Loss of 200lbs After Gastric Bypass Surgery
1. Mindful eating-stay aware of what goes into my mouth
2. Stay aware of what may be causing me to eat when not physically hungry-triggers
3. Identifying my emotional triggers-lonely, sad, angry, tired or happy
4. Am I really physically hunger or is there an emotional need not being met-hold out
from eating at least 20 minutes if not sure
5. Continue to listen to my inner self’ cry for help
6. Learn and continue to take care of self-rest, play, pray
7. Learn self soothing techniques-meditation, pedicures, massages, reading, singing
karaoke
8. Get and stay physically active-ballroom dancing, gymnastics, belly dancing,
walking
9. Drink plenty of water daily
10. Positive speech-speak positive and up building to self
11. Eat delicious and nutritious meals-create inviting meals, get new and fresh
recipes often (Free recipes available at www.KitchenSavvyPlus.com)
12. Food is not the enemy-must address my attitude regarding use of food to medicate
my feelings
13. Remember to use the kids menu when eating out, if not available ask to have half
of my meal boxed and bagged in kitchen prior to table service
14. Create a new self image-enjoy my new look
15. Buy something new once a month-lipstick, sexy stockings, nail polish
16. Celebrate all of the accomplishments I have already achieved and make reachable
future goals
REPEAT THIS STATEMENT DAILY: I FEEL VERY PROUD OF MYSELF. I HAVE WORKED HARD AND I LOOK GREAT!
Thursday, October 11, 2007
Wednesday, October 10, 2007
Feeling Woozy!
Tonight I feel not quite myself. Feeling a little woozy. I've been fighting off a virus of some sort. I have cold sores on my upper and bottom lip. Really making me feel uncomfortable and irritated.
My husband wants to cuddle and kiss but that is out of the question at this time. We have been married for over 33 years and he has never been infected with the virus I seem to periodically get. I guess this condition becomes dormant and then resurfaces. Anyway, I have not seemed to have much of an appetite the last few days, I take this as a blessing. My appetite seems to always be such a large part of my existence.
I seemed to have reached my comfort zone at 160-165lbs, I feel OK at this weight???? I really feel a little worried that I can't seem to get back to 155lbs. That really is the weight I desire to maintain. So hard this constant attention to my eating habits. I want to be lazy and just eat whatever, whenever I want!!!!! But I just can't allow myself that liberty. In other words the struggle continues.
Why can't I just accept that I will have to work hard to have what I desire which is a healthy weight. I will continue to remember where I came from, 350lbs and then I will be able to reward my efforts and achievements with beating myself up.
If only I could learn to treat myself as well as I am able to treat others, with respect, dignity, love and acceptance.
I need a break, am going to one of my favorite web sites at www.Kitchensavvyplus.com to see if I can use one of the free recipes for dinner. If I don't eat something now while I am not too hungry I will overeat later.
Talk to you later.
If you struggle with your weight know this: YOU ARE NOT ALONE AND YOU CAN LEARN TO CONTROL YOUR EATING HABITS.
My husband wants to cuddle and kiss but that is out of the question at this time. We have been married for over 33 years and he has never been infected with the virus I seem to periodically get. I guess this condition becomes dormant and then resurfaces. Anyway, I have not seemed to have much of an appetite the last few days, I take this as a blessing. My appetite seems to always be such a large part of my existence.
I seemed to have reached my comfort zone at 160-165lbs, I feel OK at this weight???? I really feel a little worried that I can't seem to get back to 155lbs. That really is the weight I desire to maintain. So hard this constant attention to my eating habits. I want to be lazy and just eat whatever, whenever I want!!!!! But I just can't allow myself that liberty. In other words the struggle continues.
Why can't I just accept that I will have to work hard to have what I desire which is a healthy weight. I will continue to remember where I came from, 350lbs and then I will be able to reward my efforts and achievements with beating myself up.
If only I could learn to treat myself as well as I am able to treat others, with respect, dignity, love and acceptance.
I need a break, am going to one of my favorite web sites at www.Kitchensavvyplus.com to see if I can use one of the free recipes for dinner. If I don't eat something now while I am not too hungry I will overeat later.
Talk to you later.
If you struggle with your weight know this: YOU ARE NOT ALONE AND YOU CAN LEARN TO CONTROL YOUR EATING HABITS.
Monday, July 23, 2007
The Weight Is Getting Heavy!
Today was a real busy day as usually. I have been trying to keep my office organized which is not easy. I am running a new business and so paper is everywhere. I have always been very organized, a bit of a perfectionist, crazy you know! Anyway I know if I can keep my office organized I have real hope of keeping my life organized, but not perfect.
I have been struggling with my weight. I have gained about 12lbs over the last four months. This worries me, I know the damage I have done to myself in the past. I feel the saboteur in me is awake and ready to do harm. When I am stressed the saboteur comes alive. So much stress!
I lost my Daddy in April,I do miss him, but I have not felt to grieve yet. My son is in the process of divorce and it's getting nasty. My heart is breaking, I just keep thinking about my beautiful grandson of 11 months having his parents at odds. How is all going to turn out. Of course I am worried about my future relationship with him. I pray that my daughter-in-law will continue to work with me to have a lasting and loving relationship with him, regardless of her feeling towards my son. Did I mention I have my home up for sale. Yeah, I know this is the very worst time for selling but that's how the cards are falling for me. My new business is just in the beginning stages of growth, in other words I not making a single penny yet! Just got news that my oldest brother, I love so much, has been hospitalized after having had a minor stroke. Can a stroke really be minor? On top of everything else I found out that a check bounced not fault of mine and was charged $60.00. Do I sound like I am sitting on the pity pot? Well guess what, I AM! But just for today, this moment I need to say to myself that I have reasons for feeling so stressed out. I am normal, whatever that means.
Today, I did get to the gym and worked out for 30 mins. I hated ever moment of it, but I did feel good that I mustered up the moral strength to get it done. I realize that I don't have to like it but just have to do it. Sometimes I wonder why is it so hard for me to take care of me, I do very well at taking care of others. I do know it is harder to see about myself than others, but why?
Anyway I need to eat, only had breakfast today and it is now about 7:00pm. Not a good move for me to wait so long. I think I will check out the Internet and see if I can get a quick free recipe off of www.KitchenSavvyPlus.com, maybe something with a lot of veggies and meat. My stress is kicking up my desire to overeat. I will resist if just for 20mins. I know I can do that. This Gastric Bypass is not the easy way out of weight loss but it really does help me. This surgery did address my physical hunger but my emotional hunger, well that's another matter I must deal with. Maybe I should eat a bean burrito, that's filling and a great meal for me.
I feel to run away, but how can I run away from me?
I have been struggling with my weight. I have gained about 12lbs over the last four months. This worries me, I know the damage I have done to myself in the past. I feel the saboteur in me is awake and ready to do harm. When I am stressed the saboteur comes alive. So much stress!
I lost my Daddy in April,I do miss him, but I have not felt to grieve yet. My son is in the process of divorce and it's getting nasty. My heart is breaking, I just keep thinking about my beautiful grandson of 11 months having his parents at odds. How is all going to turn out. Of course I am worried about my future relationship with him. I pray that my daughter-in-law will continue to work with me to have a lasting and loving relationship with him, regardless of her feeling towards my son. Did I mention I have my home up for sale. Yeah, I know this is the very worst time for selling but that's how the cards are falling for me. My new business is just in the beginning stages of growth, in other words I not making a single penny yet! Just got news that my oldest brother, I love so much, has been hospitalized after having had a minor stroke. Can a stroke really be minor? On top of everything else I found out that a check bounced not fault of mine and was charged $60.00. Do I sound like I am sitting on the pity pot? Well guess what, I AM! But just for today, this moment I need to say to myself that I have reasons for feeling so stressed out. I am normal, whatever that means.
Today, I did get to the gym and worked out for 30 mins. I hated ever moment of it, but I did feel good that I mustered up the moral strength to get it done. I realize that I don't have to like it but just have to do it. Sometimes I wonder why is it so hard for me to take care of me, I do very well at taking care of others. I do know it is harder to see about myself than others, but why?
Anyway I need to eat, only had breakfast today and it is now about 7:00pm. Not a good move for me to wait so long. I think I will check out the Internet and see if I can get a quick free recipe off of www.KitchenSavvyPlus.com, maybe something with a lot of veggies and meat. My stress is kicking up my desire to overeat. I will resist if just for 20mins. I know I can do that. This Gastric Bypass is not the easy way out of weight loss but it really does help me. This surgery did address my physical hunger but my emotional hunger, well that's another matter I must deal with. Maybe I should eat a bean burrito, that's filling and a great meal for me.
I feel to run away, but how can I run away from me?
Friday, June 08, 2007
So Sick Last Night!
What can I say, this gastric by-pass is no joke! Three years out from surgery and I still get sick if I don't eat slowly. Most people enjoy eating slowly? This seems to be a really hard adjustment for me to make. I am still making new patterns in my life and the slow eating one isn't yet a pattern. It's said that a pattern is made within a three week period, but I beg to differ in my case.
Last night I ate a wonderful meal of red chili burrito, made by natives of Arizona. Truly a delicious meal. I realize that I ate half of the burrito in about 5 minutes, not good! Well I was sick to my stomach for at least 4 hours. I had to regurgitate all that I had eaten and then I felt relief, relief enough to get to sleep at about 2:00 am.
All in all I still am all for gastric by-pass for a person in my situation. I was 350lbs wearing size 24-26 and now I look great at size 8, 160lbs. I have been fluctuating 5lbs up and down. That's life nothing remains the same each day.
Back to mindful eating techniques such as taking 30 minutes to eat each meal. I live in the basics of life. Things that others have learned from childhood, I am learning now. Better late than never is so true in my case.
I must be mindful of my fat intake and so the need to invest in a good food steamer is in order. I saw one at the website www.KitchenSavvyPlus.com, check it out. Really good products and free recipes as well that can help others who have had gastric by-pass. Pass the word on there are kitchenware products that can really help us be successful in maintaining and enjoying cooking and eating great meals.
Until next time. Oh did I mention that I am going ball-room dancing. Will talk about this new pass time, I LOVE IT!
Last night I ate a wonderful meal of red chili burrito, made by natives of Arizona. Truly a delicious meal. I realize that I ate half of the burrito in about 5 minutes, not good! Well I was sick to my stomach for at least 4 hours. I had to regurgitate all that I had eaten and then I felt relief, relief enough to get to sleep at about 2:00 am.
All in all I still am all for gastric by-pass for a person in my situation. I was 350lbs wearing size 24-26 and now I look great at size 8, 160lbs. I have been fluctuating 5lbs up and down. That's life nothing remains the same each day.
Back to mindful eating techniques such as taking 30 minutes to eat each meal. I live in the basics of life. Things that others have learned from childhood, I am learning now. Better late than never is so true in my case.
I must be mindful of my fat intake and so the need to invest in a good food steamer is in order. I saw one at the website www.KitchenSavvyPlus.com, check it out. Really good products and free recipes as well that can help others who have had gastric by-pass. Pass the word on there are kitchenware products that can really help us be successful in maintaining and enjoying cooking and eating great meals.
Until next time. Oh did I mention that I am going ball-room dancing. Will talk about this new pass time, I LOVE IT!
Monday, May 07, 2007
30 Minutes Is All It Takes
In just 30 minutes I have been able to create a tasty, nutrisous meal. I have learned to cook in a manner in which my entire family enjoys and I can take care of myself as well. This is a totally new way of thinking for me. I have been taught from childhod that sacrifices must be make for the sake of the family, even at my expense. Many times I have prepared meals that my family really enjoyed, loaded with fat and sugar, just to make them happy. I suffered many a day for eating this way. I gained weight where many times they didn't. So as I blossomed to 350 lbs and had to undergo a life altering gastric bypass surgery. I came to realize that drastic measures would have to be made. I had my surgery over three years ago and I know this was the best decision for me. I survived and am doing remarketly well.
I still want my family to enjoy my meals and receive the pleasure of hearing them moan over my cooking. I have learned that taste is the key to all great meals and that this could be accomplished without excessive fat and sugar. I have also come to realize that good cookware is essential as well. I have found that a good set of stainless steel non-stick cookware will allow many great meals to be cooked with low fat to no fat. I have seen many great cookware products at www.KitchenSavvyPlus.com, check it out. Now when I cook I include all of the necessary components to help me maintain my weight loss, which is portion size, preparation style and great taste. I found a great free recipe for Savory Brown Rice on the above mentioned web site. This recipe is so tasty and brown rice is so much better for me and my family. My husband loves white rice and swears he hate brown rice. So decided to try to incorporate this into a meal for him. I used the recipe as is and then one night I added shrimp and 2 Tbl of olive oil and made a great shrimp fried rice. He really loved it, but was suspisus and asked if he was eating healthy food. He has developed an adversion to healthy food because in the past healthy food tasted healthy and not great, you know what I mean like cardboard. Using the non-stick cookware made clean up quick and easy. My family loved it and so did I. I also have been using the panini grill to enjoy many low fat delicious sandwiches. I will give you a tip, check out the web, www.KitchenSavvyPlus.com and make the grilled eggplant sandwich. You will need a panini grill or possible and seasoned cast iron skillet would do. The recipe is just wonderful. Finally and guilt free sandwich, only change I made was to use whole wheat beefsteak bread in stead of rye bread. Treat yourself good today and prepare something nutrisious and full of taste.
I will talk about some of the seasoning and herbs I have been incorporating into my cusine which have been nothing short of great. I will show you how to be a great cook and receive the praise of your family as well, while still maintaining your desired weight.
REMEMBER: FOOD IS OUR FRIEND BUT WE MUST TREAT IT PROPERLY.
I still want my family to enjoy my meals and receive the pleasure of hearing them moan over my cooking. I have learned that taste is the key to all great meals and that this could be accomplished without excessive fat and sugar. I have also come to realize that good cookware is essential as well. I have found that a good set of stainless steel non-stick cookware will allow many great meals to be cooked with low fat to no fat. I have seen many great cookware products at www.KitchenSavvyPlus.com, check it out. Now when I cook I include all of the necessary components to help me maintain my weight loss, which is portion size, preparation style and great taste. I found a great free recipe for Savory Brown Rice on the above mentioned web site. This recipe is so tasty and brown rice is so much better for me and my family. My husband loves white rice and swears he hate brown rice. So decided to try to incorporate this into a meal for him. I used the recipe as is and then one night I added shrimp and 2 Tbl of olive oil and made a great shrimp fried rice. He really loved it, but was suspisus and asked if he was eating healthy food. He has developed an adversion to healthy food because in the past healthy food tasted healthy and not great, you know what I mean like cardboard. Using the non-stick cookware made clean up quick and easy. My family loved it and so did I. I also have been using the panini grill to enjoy many low fat delicious sandwiches. I will give you a tip, check out the web, www.KitchenSavvyPlus.com and make the grilled eggplant sandwich. You will need a panini grill or possible and seasoned cast iron skillet would do. The recipe is just wonderful. Finally and guilt free sandwich, only change I made was to use whole wheat beefsteak bread in stead of rye bread. Treat yourself good today and prepare something nutrisious and full of taste.
I will talk about some of the seasoning and herbs I have been incorporating into my cusine which have been nothing short of great. I will show you how to be a great cook and receive the praise of your family as well, while still maintaining your desired weight.
REMEMBER: FOOD IS OUR FRIEND BUT WE MUST TREAT IT PROPERLY.
Friday, May 04, 2007
The "F" Word Keeps Coming Up!
You know the "F" word I'm talking about......FOOD! That's right food on my mind. Well else is new in my life anyway. I have a true love for food, not just any food, but only real tasty food, really seasoned. Isn't that one of the joys of life, thats one of my mottos anyway.
I decided to cook today a more soul food style. I made burbon BBQ chicken, a secret recipe I hope to reveal in my cookbook or maybe it'll be a free recipe YUM YUM! I also made a quick and easy cornbread to die for, potatoe salad and bok chow.
As you know to create any great meal you need the proper pots and pans, such as cast iron cookware. You will be able to make the best cornbread possible using cast iron bakeware. This product allows you to turn out golden brown baked goods with a crusty bottom and sides. To be a really great cook presentation must be as high on the list as taste. So not to brag but my cornbread was just beautiful as well as tasty. I will tell you for sure that this meal was in keeping with my requirements to maintain my weight loss after gastric bypass. So as I mentioned before we can eat great food and enjoy it to the fullest while keeping in step with a new life.
Talk to you later, dinner is being served. LATER!
I decided to cook today a more soul food style. I made burbon BBQ chicken, a secret recipe I hope to reveal in my cookbook or maybe it'll be a free recipe YUM YUM! I also made a quick and easy cornbread to die for, potatoe salad and bok chow.
As you know to create any great meal you need the proper pots and pans, such as cast iron cookware. You will be able to make the best cornbread possible using cast iron bakeware. This product allows you to turn out golden brown baked goods with a crusty bottom and sides. To be a really great cook presentation must be as high on the list as taste. So not to brag but my cornbread was just beautiful as well as tasty. I will tell you for sure that this meal was in keeping with my requirements to maintain my weight loss after gastric bypass. So as I mentioned before we can eat great food and enjoy it to the fullest while keeping in step with a new life.
Talk to you later, dinner is being served. LATER!
Thursday, April 26, 2007
Start The Day Off Right
How often have I heard, start the day off right, eat breakfast. This has been the very best advise I have ever gotten and not listened to. I have never been able to rise in the am and feel to eat anything at all, not even drink water. Well as you already know I have had major health issues mainly due to poor eating habits. How did this change in my life?
My life took a major change for the worst when I reach 350 lbs of woman! All the illnesses that came along with obesity, I developed. I did avert diabetes, only through a drastic move, gastric bypass surgery. It's been three years since my surgery and I am happy to say that I am 200 lbs down and maintaining my weight loss. How am I doing this?
I have learned to listen to persons who really get the point that to loss weight involves more than pushing yourself away from the table and exercising until you are blue in the face. I have found through my surgery and the support network in place in my life that I have a emotional eating compulsion. This compulsion is not about being greedy and lazy as so many uninformed persons, even in the medical field, believe. This compulsion is about anger, loneliness, sadness, feeling helpless and not loved, to mention only a few issues I contend with on a daily basis.
I am still re-adjusting my attitude about food and the decision to start my day off right by having breakfast. I never knew just how vital this one point would become in my life. Since my surgery I find it positively necessary to have breakfast in order to feel good, love myself and help keep my compulsion from taking over at some time during the day or I should say night, that's when my biggest fight begins. So what can I eat for breakfast and how do I avoid the boredom of breakfast food?
I have come to realize that breakfast means to break the fast of the non eating period from last night till the morning. Breakfast does not mean a certain type of food, such as beacon and eggs or waffles and eggs but can be whatever I enjoy at that time as long as it will properly nourish my body and soul. So there is no strict rule as to traditional breakfast food, Happy Days! So great is my freedom to choose my style of breakfast that I truly do look forward starting my day off right.
This morning I feel like eating brown rice and curry chicken, last nights dinner, Yum Yum! This is a wonderful dish, requiring only two pots. One for the savory brown rice, I got the free recipe on www.Kitchensavvyplus.com, check it out, and one great non stick pan for the chicken. The curry chicken recipe will be available in the cookbook I am in the process of writing. Ask some of my friends how good that dish is. Anyhow the point I'm making is eat what you enjoy and start your day off right. To alleviate the boredom of food selection I try many new recipes. I love cooking and search for free recipes. The Internet is a great source for such. I have gotten some great ideas and with some tweaking I am sure you can also enjoy starting your day off right.
OFF TO HAVE BREAKFAST, I AM CARING FOR ME TODAY!
My life took a major change for the worst when I reach 350 lbs of woman! All the illnesses that came along with obesity, I developed. I did avert diabetes, only through a drastic move, gastric bypass surgery. It's been three years since my surgery and I am happy to say that I am 200 lbs down and maintaining my weight loss. How am I doing this?
I have learned to listen to persons who really get the point that to loss weight involves more than pushing yourself away from the table and exercising until you are blue in the face. I have found through my surgery and the support network in place in my life that I have a emotional eating compulsion. This compulsion is not about being greedy and lazy as so many uninformed persons, even in the medical field, believe. This compulsion is about anger, loneliness, sadness, feeling helpless and not loved, to mention only a few issues I contend with on a daily basis.
I am still re-adjusting my attitude about food and the decision to start my day off right by having breakfast. I never knew just how vital this one point would become in my life. Since my surgery I find it positively necessary to have breakfast in order to feel good, love myself and help keep my compulsion from taking over at some time during the day or I should say night, that's when my biggest fight begins. So what can I eat for breakfast and how do I avoid the boredom of breakfast food?
I have come to realize that breakfast means to break the fast of the non eating period from last night till the morning. Breakfast does not mean a certain type of food, such as beacon and eggs or waffles and eggs but can be whatever I enjoy at that time as long as it will properly nourish my body and soul. So there is no strict rule as to traditional breakfast food, Happy Days! So great is my freedom to choose my style of breakfast that I truly do look forward starting my day off right.
This morning I feel like eating brown rice and curry chicken, last nights dinner, Yum Yum! This is a wonderful dish, requiring only two pots. One for the savory brown rice, I got the free recipe on www.Kitchensavvyplus.com, check it out, and one great non stick pan for the chicken. The curry chicken recipe will be available in the cookbook I am in the process of writing. Ask some of my friends how good that dish is. Anyhow the point I'm making is eat what you enjoy and start your day off right. To alleviate the boredom of food selection I try many new recipes. I love cooking and search for free recipes. The Internet is a great source for such. I have gotten some great ideas and with some tweaking I am sure you can also enjoy starting your day off right.
OFF TO HAVE BREAKFAST, I AM CARING FOR ME TODAY!
Wednesday, April 25, 2007
How To Eat And Feel Satisfied
In order for my dining experience to be enjoyable and satisfying I require that my meals be filled with great taste as well as being appealing to the eye.
I have always been a really great cook, as I have been told by my many friends and acquaintances who have had the pleasure of sampling my cuisine. I don't mean to sound like a braggart, but if you're good you're good.
I am able to prepare the traditional southern style cuisine. Potato salad, fried chicken, mustard greens, etc...... I cook equally well Asian food, dumplings, noodle dishes, stir fry, etc., I have even make a few original dishes that I WOW! my guests with.
I am in the process of writing a cook book which will include my favorite recipes and a few can be found on a web site www.Kitchensavvyplus.com check it out and enjoy just a few. Of course the most favorite will be in e-book form for easy review and frugal purchase price.
Since I have had gastric bypass and have successfully lost over 200 pounds, yes I said 200 pounds of woman! I have learned to modify many of my favorite meals with great success, so much so that my guests eat the same as I do and never think that they on eating any special type of eating program. I have always hated dieting and it has never worked for me anyway and so I just incorporate my talents, which include the ability to season food to the proper degree so as to release the most flavor possible. I incorporate the use of grills, rotisseries, toaster ovens, conventional ovens, and micro waves as well juicers. www.Kitchensavvyplus.com has a large selection of kitchenware products that are essential for all serious home chefs, which I am among.
To feel satisfied and maintain good weight loss I find it necessary to enjoy each and every meal I take in. Food is very important to me, and always will be. I realize that food does have a wonderful place in my life and that I don't have to fear its power but I have embraced it and I have come to understand its place in my life. I hope you will look for my recipe book and enjoy the free recipes I offer through www.Kitchensavvyplus.com.......See you later, back to writing my cookbook.......
I have always been a really great cook, as I have been told by my many friends and acquaintances who have had the pleasure of sampling my cuisine. I don't mean to sound like a braggart, but if you're good you're good.
I am able to prepare the traditional southern style cuisine. Potato salad, fried chicken, mustard greens, etc...... I cook equally well Asian food, dumplings, noodle dishes, stir fry, etc., I have even make a few original dishes that I WOW! my guests with.
I am in the process of writing a cook book which will include my favorite recipes and a few can be found on a web site www.Kitchensavvyplus.com check it out and enjoy just a few. Of course the most favorite will be in e-book form for easy review and frugal purchase price.
Since I have had gastric bypass and have successfully lost over 200 pounds, yes I said 200 pounds of woman! I have learned to modify many of my favorite meals with great success, so much so that my guests eat the same as I do and never think that they on eating any special type of eating program. I have always hated dieting and it has never worked for me anyway and so I just incorporate my talents, which include the ability to season food to the proper degree so as to release the most flavor possible. I incorporate the use of grills, rotisseries, toaster ovens, conventional ovens, and micro waves as well juicers. www.Kitchensavvyplus.com has a large selection of kitchenware products that are essential for all serious home chefs, which I am among.
To feel satisfied and maintain good weight loss I find it necessary to enjoy each and every meal I take in. Food is very important to me, and always will be. I realize that food does have a wonderful place in my life and that I don't have to fear its power but I have embraced it and I have come to understand its place in my life. I hope you will look for my recipe book and enjoy the free recipes I offer through www.Kitchensavvyplus.com.......See you later, back to writing my cookbook.......
Monday, April 23, 2007
Tough Night
Last night was really tough. Tough to get through without my compulsion to eat getting the best of me. I ate three meals for the day. Let's see: breakfast: 1 fried egg, 2 slices beacon, 4 tbls grits-delicious. Lunch: Salad w/chicken, 1 banana. Dinner: Slice of steak with 1/2 cup stuffing(mistake!) and an apple. The stuffing made me feel very ill it was made of white bread. With gastric bypass wheat or multi grain are the best. I know how to eat to feel good and yet at times I am a saboteur.
My emotional pain is increasing, my Daddy died just this weekend. I feel afraid of the pain and so I want to eat, eat, eat. I know if I give in to that behavior I will only hate myself and begin a downward spiral.
I need to get back to basics and pick up a few essential items which will enable me to eat properly while enjoying my eating experience.
I saw a few necessary items to purchase: Food Steamer, Juicer, Grill, Slow Cooker. I already have great cookware. A few new recipes won't hurt, might brighten my resolve to care for myself and treat me good.
I visit a website www.kitchensavvyplus.com and I find great products as well as free recipes. I saw a Richard Simmons food steamer I must have. Even I can cook an easy quick meal all at once. I'll have no excuse to eat junk food! This could work out. I also saw a great juicer. With gastric bypass it is better to eat the fruit than to drink juice due to what is called dumping but there are times I do drink juice and if I prepare it myself I can eliminate the added sugars in store bought. I saw some great Corelle dinnerware. I didn't know that you can even cook on these dishes and then put them in the dishwasher, now that's for me, no pots to wash. The slow cookers as really attractive, not the old grandma looking ones. I like that I can put all my ingredients in at once, turn it on, go to work and at the end of the day dinner is served! Enough talk I need to shop and get to work.
Take care of me, I deserve it.
My emotional pain is increasing, my Daddy died just this weekend. I feel afraid of the pain and so I want to eat, eat, eat. I know if I give in to that behavior I will only hate myself and begin a downward spiral.
I need to get back to basics and pick up a few essential items which will enable me to eat properly while enjoying my eating experience.
I saw a few necessary items to purchase: Food Steamer, Juicer, Grill, Slow Cooker. I already have great cookware. A few new recipes won't hurt, might brighten my resolve to care for myself and treat me good.
I visit a website www.kitchensavvyplus.com and I find great products as well as free recipes. I saw a Richard Simmons food steamer I must have. Even I can cook an easy quick meal all at once. I'll have no excuse to eat junk food! This could work out. I also saw a great juicer. With gastric bypass it is better to eat the fruit than to drink juice due to what is called dumping but there are times I do drink juice and if I prepare it myself I can eliminate the added sugars in store bought. I saw some great Corelle dinnerware. I didn't know that you can even cook on these dishes and then put them in the dishwasher, now that's for me, no pots to wash. The slow cookers as really attractive, not the old grandma looking ones. I like that I can put all my ingredients in at once, turn it on, go to work and at the end of the day dinner is served! Enough talk I need to shop and get to work.
Take care of me, I deserve it.
Saturday, April 21, 2007
Dealing With A Crisis
I just returned from New York City on Wednesday morning. The trip I had planned did not come to fruition. I had been anticipating a ten day visit with my 8th month old grandson, Jayson, whom I adore.
On Friday, I spoke with Daddy to say I would see him while in New York and we spoke of his health as usual. He said his hand was weak and hurting from arthritis and that he couldn't open up his soda. He also said he was not able to swallow easily as well. I told him to make sure to inform the nurse and they would inform the doctor. Well I don't know if he told anyone of his discomfort. Daddy went to sleep Friday night and didn't wake up, Saturday morning Daddy was rushed to the hospital brain dead. Daddy had been having mini strokes and heart attacks during his sleep and not even aware of these. Daddy was always afraid of death and so mercifully he just went to sleep and didn't wake up again. He actually stopped breathing on Monday morning and was declared expired.
We humans only plan events in life with hopes of realization.
Daddy lived his life his way, fast and hard. He spared himself nothing even if it was detrimental. Daddy left a mark on this would. He was a man of passion and great generosity. Daddy fathered 11 children. Lived to see 25 grandchildren, who loved him and adored him and who had the best grandfather ever. He also has 40 great-grandchildren who will know of him for generations to come.
I am finding it most difficult at this time to control my compulsion to eat constantly. I need to take out the food steamer and steam myself at new easy meals as as to have handy good, nutritious meals on hand. I must also reach out to my wonderful friends and stop trying to be superwoman and allow my grieving process to begin.
On Friday, I spoke with Daddy to say I would see him while in New York and we spoke of his health as usual. He said his hand was weak and hurting from arthritis and that he couldn't open up his soda. He also said he was not able to swallow easily as well. I told him to make sure to inform the nurse and they would inform the doctor. Well I don't know if he told anyone of his discomfort. Daddy went to sleep Friday night and didn't wake up, Saturday morning Daddy was rushed to the hospital brain dead. Daddy had been having mini strokes and heart attacks during his sleep and not even aware of these. Daddy was always afraid of death and so mercifully he just went to sleep and didn't wake up again. He actually stopped breathing on Monday morning and was declared expired.
We humans only plan events in life with hopes of realization.
Daddy lived his life his way, fast and hard. He spared himself nothing even if it was detrimental. Daddy left a mark on this would. He was a man of passion and great generosity. Daddy fathered 11 children. Lived to see 25 grandchildren, who loved him and adored him and who had the best grandfather ever. He also has 40 great-grandchildren who will know of him for generations to come.
I am finding it most difficult at this time to control my compulsion to eat constantly. I need to take out the food steamer and steam myself at new easy meals as as to have handy good, nutritious meals on hand. I must also reach out to my wonderful friends and stop trying to be superwoman and allow my grieving process to begin.
Friday, April 06, 2007
Still Holding On!
Today I really got things done. I feel really goooood! Three years ago in December, I had gastric bypass surgery. I must say I feel successful in that I have managed to keep over 200lbs off. To maintain my weight lose I have learned much about myself. I have given much attention to my emotional needs, what makes my compulsion comes alive. I have given serious attention to my eating style and much attention to my cooking methods. I have learned to shop for cookware that will help me prepare with ease and with imagination delicious meals that satisfy me. I shop online and find it necessary to be kitchensavvy and so one of my shopping experiences have let me to www.kitchensavvyplus.com. This venue has offered me such items as indoor and outdoor grills which allows me to cook meat and poultry with little to no extra oils while allowing me to enjoy great taste, which is a must for me. I have also found other helpful items such as micro wave able food steamers which allows me to cook entire meals in one container, quick, easy and cleanup is a snap. Barbecue grills are required items to ensure my continued weight loss as they are practical, easy to use, and promotes family interaction. Grilling allows me to not be tied to the kitchen stove and so I am able to be active with my family and friends while preparing meals.
My future blogs will include my take on many useful kitchenware products that will help all of us who are fighting the battle of portion control, calorie intake as well as just plan healthy eating. Remember if you enjoy the dinning experience meet me here for next week. I will even give a few cooking tips to make your life a little easier.
Eating to live and enjoying it!
My future blogs will include my take on many useful kitchenware products that will help all of us who are fighting the battle of portion control, calorie intake as well as just plan healthy eating. Remember if you enjoy the dinning experience meet me here for next week. I will even give a few cooking tips to make your life a little easier.
Eating to live and enjoying it!
Monday, March 12, 2007
Tax Year 06
How do I feel today? My stomach is in a knot, twisted knots, my head hurts and I feel nervous. Well I must confess that this time I really brought these negative emotions on myself. Usually by mid Jan. of each year my taxes are in the mail. What happened to me this year. Well I have started a new business. My venue offers quality kitchenware products at reasonable prices. I carry brand name products most are familiar with such as Lodge, George Foreman, Hamilton Beach, Regal Ware, etc. My site at www.Kitchensavvyplus.com has been a true joy to see come to fruition. I had the pleasure and learning experience of actually building my own site, its look and feel. I feel a great excitement and nervousness simultaneously. I have spent countless hours working on my venture. Now that my site is published my main concern is to get into the marketing side of my project. Doesn't matter how good your product is if no one knows you exist it will be a bust. Speaking of bust, I am still working towards my dream of plastic surgery after having undergone gastric-bypass surgery three years ago. My surgery was truly successful. I have gone from size 24 to size 8 petite. I have been able to maintain my weight now for about 1 year. My physician still wants me to loose more weight but I feel really content within myself. I really feel comfortable at my given size. I do have many, many sad almost desperate feeling days and nights when I allow myself to feel the pain of what I look like with so much excessive skin hanging all over my body. It makes me feel hurt, sad, angry and alien at times. My sadness comes from the fact that I have been so abusive to myself in the past allowing my body to reach proportions which have left its mark. I feel angry sometimes because I had hoped the surgery would be a cure all and all the past would just disappear, well guess what? I feel hurt some days, most days to have to admit that I still am having a hard time at loving myself just the way I am. I always made myself believe that I was rather non-judgemental and guess what, I am not. So I have a lot of soul searching to do. Searching into my past, which is a hurtful and sad place at certain times of my life. I feel this sense of being afraid, afraid of what I will find out about myself, things about myself that I don't like, things that I must work hard to change. I know I can do this, but the pain I would love to avoid......so what's new, that's is why I medicate my feelings, that's what got me where I am today. I must embrace myself, the good and the bad and learn to move forward in confidence. That is what I am trying to do.
End of story for today. That is why my taxes for 2006 is just being done on the deadline. Next year will not catch me again. I should say I will be more in control of my life next year, I am sure because I realize what I did that caused this and I will make necessary changes to avoid this in the future.
End of story for today. That is why my taxes for 2006 is just being done on the deadline. Next year will not catch me again. I should say I will be more in control of my life next year, I am sure because I realize what I did that caused this and I will make necessary changes to avoid this in the future.
Wednesday, November 22, 2006
I'm Going Live Tomorrow!
I am so very excited tonight, hope I will get some sleep. It's already 1:30 am on Wed, Nov.22, 2006. I have finally finish my 1st wed store and will launch this project first thing in the am. Feeling really proud of all my hard work over the past few months.
I always believed that I had to be good at something other than eating although I have never been encouraged in any direction in my life. Always felt that I was in some way defective or not worthy of any serious thought. I have come to the point in my life where I have to just put myself out there and try something new, win or lose. I prefer to win!
I need to have a full body left after have had gastric bypass surgery and I am hoping my new venture will allow me to take care of my needs in this area. I am not looking to become rich but if I can just generate enough revenue to possible pay for the financing necessary to get my reconstructive surgery, well I will call my venture very successful. "www.KitchenSavvyPlus.Com" sounds so good to my ears. Hope my products will satisfy my customers. I really enjoy cooking and I do know that to prepare a truely great meal you must use quality cookware and so I hope to service the needs of the serious home chefs like myself. Check me out!
I pray to God for his direction and blessing in this venture of mine.
Good night and sweet dreams!
I always believed that I had to be good at something other than eating although I have never been encouraged in any direction in my life. Always felt that I was in some way defective or not worthy of any serious thought. I have come to the point in my life where I have to just put myself out there and try something new, win or lose. I prefer to win!
I need to have a full body left after have had gastric bypass surgery and I am hoping my new venture will allow me to take care of my needs in this area. I am not looking to become rich but if I can just generate enough revenue to possible pay for the financing necessary to get my reconstructive surgery, well I will call my venture very successful. "www.KitchenSavvyPlus.Com" sounds so good to my ears. Hope my products will satisfy my customers. I really enjoy cooking and I do know that to prepare a truely great meal you must use quality cookware and so I hope to service the needs of the serious home chefs like myself. Check me out!
I pray to God for his direction and blessing in this venture of mine.
Good night and sweet dreams!
Wednesday, November 15, 2006
Too Busy To Talk
I am so busy, I have not been able to talk with myself for the last few weeks. I am working so hard on my website. KitchenSavvyPlus.Com. I have put together a domain where I sell quality kitchenware at frugal prices. My site is catering to the serious home chef and professional alike.
I get so much pleasure from preparing, cooking and presenting only quality foods for family and friends. Excellent foodstuffs can only be prepared using quality kitchenware.
I have always loved cooking for family and friends alike, I just get such a kick when I see and hear the expressions of pure pleasure after tasting one of my many creations. I am even writing a cookbook, prompted by many of friends and family, but I'll talk about that later on.
Right now I must get back to work. Hope to launch my wedsite in another two weeks. Look out here I come!
Must make money to get that total body lift I need after having gastric-bypass surgery. Oh God help me please!
I get so much pleasure from preparing, cooking and presenting only quality foods for family and friends. Excellent foodstuffs can only be prepared using quality kitchenware.
I have always loved cooking for family and friends alike, I just get such a kick when I see and hear the expressions of pure pleasure after tasting one of my many creations. I am even writing a cookbook, prompted by many of friends and family, but I'll talk about that later on.
Right now I must get back to work. Hope to launch my wedsite in another two weeks. Look out here I come!
Must make money to get that total body lift I need after having gastric-bypass surgery. Oh God help me please!
Tuesday, October 17, 2006
My Battle Goes On
Today is a new day, thank you God. Yesterday was murder, I had to fight so hard to not allow my old thinking and behavior take control of me. I know that my emotions can be very dangerous and detrimental to my continued success in weight management.
I have successfully lost approximately 195 pounds, mostly of fat, which is amazing indeed. I feel at this point in the venture that all I have to do is maintain my weight loss. This is proving to be as difficult is not more difficult than loosing the weight.
I still want to eat chocolate, chocolate chip cookies even though they kill me since having gastric bypass surgery. How sick is that, I still want to eat products that cause me pain and discomfort. This eating disorder is truly insidious. It is really the same as fighting drug addition. I can testify to that because I too an a recovering addict of cocaine as well as alcohol.
Yesterday I felt that panic feeling of wanting to get high or I should say the feeling of not getting high but my body craving it. I know I don't have to use drugs or alcohol any more in my life and I know that feeling are only feeling and that they won't kill me. I seem to for the past 15 or 16 years to have really good recovery buy the eating is kicking it up all over for me. The waves in the belly are so familiar. I don't want to believe that I have to deal with these feelings over again, I had hope this was over but I have that horrible feeling and beginning acknowledgement that this is the beginning of a big storm in my life.
I must sit with the deprivation and let (the monster of my mind) the issue surface so as to confront and deal with it. Wow, Wow here I go again. I can do this, I have done this before. Just brush off the tools and work it and I'll be alright and stronger when this wave passes, it will pass.
I must continue to go to group, this has been a tool which has always allowed me to be successful through all my additions and my connection with God can not and have always been my life line. My God has seen me through much and will continue to do so as long as I allow His help and don't think I can do this alone. I can't, I won't and I won't even try.
Must get some rest now. Good night.
I have successfully lost approximately 195 pounds, mostly of fat, which is amazing indeed. I feel at this point in the venture that all I have to do is maintain my weight loss. This is proving to be as difficult is not more difficult than loosing the weight.
I still want to eat chocolate, chocolate chip cookies even though they kill me since having gastric bypass surgery. How sick is that, I still want to eat products that cause me pain and discomfort. This eating disorder is truly insidious. It is really the same as fighting drug addition. I can testify to that because I too an a recovering addict of cocaine as well as alcohol.
Yesterday I felt that panic feeling of wanting to get high or I should say the feeling of not getting high but my body craving it. I know I don't have to use drugs or alcohol any more in my life and I know that feeling are only feeling and that they won't kill me. I seem to for the past 15 or 16 years to have really good recovery buy the eating is kicking it up all over for me. The waves in the belly are so familiar. I don't want to believe that I have to deal with these feelings over again, I had hope this was over but I have that horrible feeling and beginning acknowledgement that this is the beginning of a big storm in my life.
I must sit with the deprivation and let (the monster of my mind) the issue surface so as to confront and deal with it. Wow, Wow here I go again. I can do this, I have done this before. Just brush off the tools and work it and I'll be alright and stronger when this wave passes, it will pass.
I must continue to go to group, this has been a tool which has always allowed me to be successful through all my additions and my connection with God can not and have always been my life line. My God has seen me through much and will continue to do so as long as I allow His help and don't think I can do this alone. I can't, I won't and I won't even try.
Must get some rest now. Good night.
Monday, October 16, 2006
Looking For Comfort
I am hungry, hungry for, for, for, for?????? I guess I really am needy for something. I don't even feel like dealing with me today. I don't feel like examining myself, don't want to have to check into my real needs today. Why not??????? I am too tired?????? Too afraid of what I might find??????
Need something sweet, or something salty, don't know what I need or want. I should go right to bed a avoid hurting myself, I mean with food. I can tell I am not going to be satisfied with anything that comes out of the refrigerator of cabinet.
I know it's my emotions, flying out of control, no not out of control, but they are trying to tell me something I don't want to deal with. I JUST WANT TO EAT, EAT, EAT, CHOCOLATE AND CHIPS AND CHOCOLATE AND CHIPS.
I feel pressure to get my web site, www.kitchensavvyplus.com up and running. I feel so afraid that if this doesn't work I will be stuck in my own skin. My skin after gastric-bypass is too painful to continue to live in. I feel so lost and hurt and sad. I have such missed feelings. I do not ever want to be a cry baby but I feel like one and I want to just get on my pity pot a cry, cry for me, my body, my self esteem, my sorrow, my ego, just me me me!
I have to go. Go and cry, go and sleep. I just am going to try not to eat tonight, all night long. This is hurting me so much I can't really articulate in adult terms. My emotional state is that of a child, my little girl inside is hurting and needing me to care for her. I don't always know how to care for her but I do hear her crying out for help and I will let her cry, I won't shut her up tonight. I feel the waves in my belly starting to roll up and they are getting very powerful. I must let the waves come and deal with it.
I can do this, I must do this, I WILL DO THIS!
TAKE CARE OF YOURSELF, TAKE CARE OF ME.
Need something sweet, or something salty, don't know what I need or want. I should go right to bed a avoid hurting myself, I mean with food. I can tell I am not going to be satisfied with anything that comes out of the refrigerator of cabinet.
I know it's my emotions, flying out of control, no not out of control, but they are trying to tell me something I don't want to deal with. I JUST WANT TO EAT, EAT, EAT, CHOCOLATE AND CHIPS AND CHOCOLATE AND CHIPS.
I feel pressure to get my web site, www.kitchensavvyplus.com up and running. I feel so afraid that if this doesn't work I will be stuck in my own skin. My skin after gastric-bypass is too painful to continue to live in. I feel so lost and hurt and sad. I have such missed feelings. I do not ever want to be a cry baby but I feel like one and I want to just get on my pity pot a cry, cry for me, my body, my self esteem, my sorrow, my ego, just me me me!
I have to go. Go and cry, go and sleep. I just am going to try not to eat tonight, all night long. This is hurting me so much I can't really articulate in adult terms. My emotional state is that of a child, my little girl inside is hurting and needing me to care for her. I don't always know how to care for her but I do hear her crying out for help and I will let her cry, I won't shut her up tonight. I feel the waves in my belly starting to roll up and they are getting very powerful. I must let the waves come and deal with it.
I can do this, I must do this, I WILL DO THIS!
TAKE CARE OF YOURSELF, TAKE CARE OF ME.
Monday, October 09, 2006
I NEED HELP TO CARRY MY LOAD!
My load is heavy. Not in just a physical sense but in an emotional sense. The load I am having so much difficulty carrying is the excess skin left over from my gastric bypass surgery.
When I was 350 lbs. my skin was tight and smooth, but now after loosing over 195 lbs, well you can't imagine if you have not seen it. My skin is literally dripping off of my small frame, I say small because I am told I am tiny now at a size 8 dress. I know now that my surgery was just the beginning of a life altering process which I must continue.
I sometimes feel trapped inside my own skin, feelings of despair are creeping into my inner self where other painful experiences live. The images I see when looking into the mirror are hurtful, shameful and ugly. I try not to body bash myself as I wouldn't body bash another person but I am somewhat of a perfectionist when it comes to viewing myself.
Don't get me wrong, I am very pleased that I am somewhat of a success story. I have developed new habits and ways of living which can ensure me remaining on the road of good health. I workout at the gym (Curves) three to four times per week, which was totally out at size 26 dress. I never thought I wouldn't salivate at the sigh of a pizza but now I see it and not feel powerless over it. I can decide with relative ease to eat it or not. I really thought pizza had some kind or strong power over me, I'm free of that kind if thinking in regards to food. Many good thing have happened in my life to say the least and I try not being ungrateful or unappreciative. I just recognize that I am in pain and my pain is real and must be addressed. I owe this to myself.
I have decided that I just must reach out for help, help in securing much needed plastic surgery. I believe I will receive help but not sure where to begin my search. I have always learned that everything usually starts with me first. So I am searching myself for ideas, abilities, inventions anything that can be a source leading to being financially equipped to secure a total body life which could cost in the area of $50,000 to $80.000. This amount of money is so out reach at this time that I feel overwhelmed and sinking into despair.
What can I do? Let's make a list:
Fabulous cook
Great eye for decorating
Great people skills
Excellent organizer
Great entertainer or social skills
Hospitable
Frugal shopper of quality products
Well from the list above I decided to start a e-commerce business selling quality kitchen products at affordable prices. My web store will be launching in approximately one month. The site is www.kitchenSavvyPlus.com Hope everybody who reads my blog will visit me and hopefully purchase something.
I know money doesn't fall from the sky, but I will keep and bucket outside my window in case some miracle occurs.
I am going to implore the medical arena as well as the entertainment world for assistance. Maybe someone will do a before and after show. I really do look quite good and have a fantabelist personality, I know I made that word up (smile).
Well Oprah, Dr. 90210, T. Banks, you will be hearing from me as soon as I get the nerve to write you. My fear is rejection, permanent rejection I mean I can't afford at this critical time in my life to feel that there really is no hope of me receiving help. I have no choice but to go for it. I only fear that I am not special enough for anyone to help me.
If you read this blog, send comments with suggestions on where I may possible get some help to carry my load.
When I was 350 lbs. my skin was tight and smooth, but now after loosing over 195 lbs, well you can't imagine if you have not seen it. My skin is literally dripping off of my small frame, I say small because I am told I am tiny now at a size 8 dress. I know now that my surgery was just the beginning of a life altering process which I must continue.
I sometimes feel trapped inside my own skin, feelings of despair are creeping into my inner self where other painful experiences live. The images I see when looking into the mirror are hurtful, shameful and ugly. I try not to body bash myself as I wouldn't body bash another person but I am somewhat of a perfectionist when it comes to viewing myself.
Don't get me wrong, I am very pleased that I am somewhat of a success story. I have developed new habits and ways of living which can ensure me remaining on the road of good health. I workout at the gym (Curves) three to four times per week, which was totally out at size 26 dress. I never thought I wouldn't salivate at the sigh of a pizza but now I see it and not feel powerless over it. I can decide with relative ease to eat it or not. I really thought pizza had some kind or strong power over me, I'm free of that kind if thinking in regards to food. Many good thing have happened in my life to say the least and I try not being ungrateful or unappreciative. I just recognize that I am in pain and my pain is real and must be addressed. I owe this to myself.
I have decided that I just must reach out for help, help in securing much needed plastic surgery. I believe I will receive help but not sure where to begin my search. I have always learned that everything usually starts with me first. So I am searching myself for ideas, abilities, inventions anything that can be a source leading to being financially equipped to secure a total body life which could cost in the area of $50,000 to $80.000. This amount of money is so out reach at this time that I feel overwhelmed and sinking into despair.
What can I do? Let's make a list:
Fabulous cook
Great eye for decorating
Great people skills
Excellent organizer
Great entertainer or social skills
Hospitable
Frugal shopper of quality products
Well from the list above I decided to start a e-commerce business selling quality kitchen products at affordable prices. My web store will be launching in approximately one month. The site is www.kitchenSavvyPlus.com Hope everybody who reads my blog will visit me and hopefully purchase something.
I know money doesn't fall from the sky, but I will keep and bucket outside my window in case some miracle occurs.
I am going to implore the medical arena as well as the entertainment world for assistance. Maybe someone will do a before and after show. I really do look quite good and have a fantabelist personality, I know I made that word up (smile).
Well Oprah, Dr. 90210, T. Banks, you will be hearing from me as soon as I get the nerve to write you. My fear is rejection, permanent rejection I mean I can't afford at this critical time in my life to feel that there really is no hope of me receiving help. I have no choice but to go for it. I only fear that I am not special enough for anyone to help me.
If you read this blog, send comments with suggestions on where I may possible get some help to carry my load.
Wednesday, October 04, 2006
DROWNING IN SKIN
I feel extremely unhappy in my own skin. I am trying so hard to be loving and kind to myself. I tell my body how much I appreciate how it has taken care of me even when I abused it so badly. I don't hate myself or my body but I am finding it more and more difficult and draining emotionally to deal with the reality of seeing and being attached to so much skin.
I never knew prior to gastric bypass surgery that as I lost weight my skin would never schrink back into place. That being the case I am now in a body which is size 8 dress but was stretched to size 26. If you ever were a big person you know just how big a size 26 is. Well I do look great on the outside but this surgery is not about looks, well it wasn't and still isn't. Having gastric bypass surgery became necessary due to health issues such as hypertension, high cholesterol, diabetes and extreme pain in my hips and ankle. Looking good is a bi product of the gastric bypass surgery.
I was not informed prior to my surgery that the skin would have to be addressed at some point after surgery, meaning more surgery not to mention the the cost of plastic surgery. In my case I feel so sad and some days almost hopeless because I have no possible way to get the money to pay for plastic surgery. I am disabled and am currently receiving Medicare which considers plastic surgery as cosmetic and unnecessary and so they will never pay for my skin removal.
I consulted with a plastic surgeon and to have my tummy tuck, which will require being cut around the entire circumference of my body as well as being cut from my navel straight up to my chest bone, necessary to remove all the excess skin in my case. Then my breast need augmenting along with implants. I didn't want implants but due to the fact that all of my volume is gone this is necessary. My breasts currently are flat like a pancake, truly hurtful to see and hurtful to live with. Prior to gastric bypass I had plumb beautiful D cups, but now I look flat chested and I don't feel womanly. Feelings and emotions are so important to the inner person. Even if others saw me as not looking womanly but I fell womanly I would always opt for me feeling good about me. Being a woman has always been a joy for me. I would never want to forfeit that, that's part of who I am an intragel part. The surgeon informed me that the tummy tuck and breast surgery would take approximately 8 hours, but assured me I would be very pleased with the results. Well at the end of the consult, which went very well, I received the estimated bill totalling $23,000 to $25,000. I had'nt even discussed the thighs, back, arms and face yet. Well I felt like I was just kicked in the stomach, this is totally out of my reach, I felt so hurt so crushed so abandoned. What am I to do. Cry, Cry, Cry. OK I'm entitled to cry over me, I am hurting and feeling lonely. I mustn't give up and dis pare, this isn't my style. I am make of tough stuff and so I dig way down in search of what I need to move on.
I hurt so much inside when I take my clothes off and see what my body looks like. Sometimes I cry and feel dispare and anger, anger at who? I am and have always been able to depend on myself and have never thought that others owe me anything in this life and so I am accustomed to working hard for all I have in this world. I have always been generous and willing to help others and have tried to have a positive impact in the lives of others but I feel like I am running out of steam and really do need, desperately, help from someone. I am hurting so deeply I can't even describe it, it feels like something is eating me alive deep down in my belly, like an animal just taking little bites hoping I will not notice it, oh! but I do.
I need help so badly and so completely. I know that in my life I have always relied on my Creator for help and I know he has the power to move mighty persons if necessary in order to provide what is needed. I will continue to earnestly request his help and support. Until help comes I will continue to try to aid others and not overly focus on myself.
I am hoping and believing help is on its way, I will persevere.
I never knew prior to gastric bypass surgery that as I lost weight my skin would never schrink back into place. That being the case I am now in a body which is size 8 dress but was stretched to size 26. If you ever were a big person you know just how big a size 26 is. Well I do look great on the outside but this surgery is not about looks, well it wasn't and still isn't. Having gastric bypass surgery became necessary due to health issues such as hypertension, high cholesterol, diabetes and extreme pain in my hips and ankle. Looking good is a bi product of the gastric bypass surgery.
I was not informed prior to my surgery that the skin would have to be addressed at some point after surgery, meaning more surgery not to mention the the cost of plastic surgery. In my case I feel so sad and some days almost hopeless because I have no possible way to get the money to pay for plastic surgery. I am disabled and am currently receiving Medicare which considers plastic surgery as cosmetic and unnecessary and so they will never pay for my skin removal.
I consulted with a plastic surgeon and to have my tummy tuck, which will require being cut around the entire circumference of my body as well as being cut from my navel straight up to my chest bone, necessary to remove all the excess skin in my case. Then my breast need augmenting along with implants. I didn't want implants but due to the fact that all of my volume is gone this is necessary. My breasts currently are flat like a pancake, truly hurtful to see and hurtful to live with. Prior to gastric bypass I had plumb beautiful D cups, but now I look flat chested and I don't feel womanly. Feelings and emotions are so important to the inner person. Even if others saw me as not looking womanly but I fell womanly I would always opt for me feeling good about me. Being a woman has always been a joy for me. I would never want to forfeit that, that's part of who I am an intragel part. The surgeon informed me that the tummy tuck and breast surgery would take approximately 8 hours, but assured me I would be very pleased with the results. Well at the end of the consult, which went very well, I received the estimated bill totalling $23,000 to $25,000. I had'nt even discussed the thighs, back, arms and face yet. Well I felt like I was just kicked in the stomach, this is totally out of my reach, I felt so hurt so crushed so abandoned. What am I to do. Cry, Cry, Cry. OK I'm entitled to cry over me, I am hurting and feeling lonely. I mustn't give up and dis pare, this isn't my style. I am make of tough stuff and so I dig way down in search of what I need to move on.
I hurt so much inside when I take my clothes off and see what my body looks like. Sometimes I cry and feel dispare and anger, anger at who? I am and have always been able to depend on myself and have never thought that others owe me anything in this life and so I am accustomed to working hard for all I have in this world. I have always been generous and willing to help others and have tried to have a positive impact in the lives of others but I feel like I am running out of steam and really do need, desperately, help from someone. I am hurting so deeply I can't even describe it, it feels like something is eating me alive deep down in my belly, like an animal just taking little bites hoping I will not notice it, oh! but I do.
I need help so badly and so completely. I know that in my life I have always relied on my Creator for help and I know he has the power to move mighty persons if necessary in order to provide what is needed. I will continue to earnestly request his help and support. Until help comes I will continue to try to aid others and not overly focus on myself.
I am hoping and believing help is on its way, I will persevere.
Monday, October 02, 2006
LIVING WITH GASTRIC BYPASS SURGERY
I am very pleased with the results of my gastric bypass. I have lost a total of about of about 195 lbs, no I don't weigh 195 lbs I have lost 195 lbs. I was at the highest weight of approximately 350 lbs, size 26 dress. Now I am proud to say I weigh 155 lbs, size 8 dress. I must say I know I look very good but the true self image I still struggle with. What I mean is that when I look in the mirror I don't see a tiny woman, I see a woman who looks to be a size 16 and that is a great improvement to me. Unfortunately when I look into the mirror I see the excess skin in the stomach area, the sagging arms, thighs and face. I thought I would be happy with just losing weight but much more is involved in this journey.
Joys I have experienced is mobility vs. immobility. I remember when I couldn't get off the couch without my husband strong arms to help me, now I just get up whenever I feel to, I no longer set myself up with table filled with water, snacks, telephone, pad and pen, cell phone, etc. because I couldn't bare having to get up and down out of the Charo. I count it a true blessing indeed.
I felt great when traveling by airplane and didn't have to get extender belts. At first I wasn't sure I wouldn't need them, I wasn't sure emotionally. I wanted to shout it out"I don't need an extender belt!", but I did refrain. I sat in my seat needing to use the lavatory soooo baaaad until I realized I could get up without having the other persons next to me having to get up and down. I was really beyond myself to realize that I could actually come down the aisle at the same time the stewardess was coming down. At first I felt the panic of feeling how could I possible fit down the aisle as someone else was coming down, in the past I would have to wait for a clear aisle and hurry down before some skinny thoughtless person would get up with no consideration for us big people. I will continue to struggle because I will always be the big girl inside.
I've notice something new about myself. I realize I don't feel awkward in fine dinning restaurants ordering my chocolate desert, I don't think I see people looking at me like why is she ordering that. I use to see those looks and I hated them for it. I do notice I still look at others who are well endowed with kinship but lately I have been getting some nasty looks. I must realize that I don't look like kinship to the big people anymore and they may be misinterpreting my acknowledgement to them. That hurts because I feel the same though I look very different. I will never feel like a thin person no matter what I look like.
Sometimes I wonder where do I fit in. That may sound childish, but emotionally I am still just a child in many ways.
Joys I have experienced is mobility vs. immobility. I remember when I couldn't get off the couch without my husband strong arms to help me, now I just get up whenever I feel to, I no longer set myself up with table filled with water, snacks, telephone, pad and pen, cell phone, etc. because I couldn't bare having to get up and down out of the Charo. I count it a true blessing indeed.
I felt great when traveling by airplane and didn't have to get extender belts. At first I wasn't sure I wouldn't need them, I wasn't sure emotionally. I wanted to shout it out"I don't need an extender belt!", but I did refrain. I sat in my seat needing to use the lavatory soooo baaaad until I realized I could get up without having the other persons next to me having to get up and down. I was really beyond myself to realize that I could actually come down the aisle at the same time the stewardess was coming down. At first I felt the panic of feeling how could I possible fit down the aisle as someone else was coming down, in the past I would have to wait for a clear aisle and hurry down before some skinny thoughtless person would get up with no consideration for us big people. I will continue to struggle because I will always be the big girl inside.
I've notice something new about myself. I realize I don't feel awkward in fine dinning restaurants ordering my chocolate desert, I don't think I see people looking at me like why is she ordering that. I use to see those looks and I hated them for it. I do notice I still look at others who are well endowed with kinship but lately I have been getting some nasty looks. I must realize that I don't look like kinship to the big people anymore and they may be misinterpreting my acknowledgement to them. That hurts because I feel the same though I look very different. I will never feel like a thin person no matter what I look like.
Sometimes I wonder where do I fit in. That may sound childish, but emotionally I am still just a child in many ways.
STRESS FRIEND OR FOE
Stress is said to be a real killer, as I and millions others can attest to. I have endured the stress of being a working woman in what is known as a man's world. Maintaining self respect as well as earning respect, which was always due me, has proven to be stressful. I worked with NYC Police Department in a civilian capacity, which in itself meant, to the uniform personnel, that respect was not due. I for over eighteen years had maintained my self respect as well as maintained a respectful working relationship with my peers, which was not always easy.
I endured much stress from being in a lasting marriage of 32 years. Much have occurred in my relationship. Being a friend have been a major key to my marital success. I consider my marriage a success because I still love, respect and admire my husband and he shows and tells me how much he adores me. My husband is a tough guy from the streets of New York City where as I was a good girl raised higher middle class with all the perks that goes along with that such as, Music lessons, dance classes, theater, fine dinning. We were so different yet our attraction was powerful and lasting. Our relationship started out with conversation only, in fact I thought at one time he may be gay. Since I was such an attractive young woman and he didn't seem to be pushing in the direction of physical intimacy, my shallow opinion of men surely proved that he must be gay, he couldn't possible resist me! (smile, chuckle, chuckle) I found him so interesting that it really didn't matter what his sexual preferences were, I enjoyed being with him. He knew much about politics, sports, poetry and Hollywood and most of all women. I had never met any person, yet alone any man like him before nor after. He filled every desire I had ever had as well as opened to me desires I hadn't even known. I don't kiss and tell, so I won't. Any who, I was speaking of stress wasn't I? Throughout our lives we have endured family disputes over child rearing, we have dealt with step family issues, which could be discussed forever. We have endured long periods of sickness, grief and bewilderment. We have fell in and out of love many times over and yet managed to return to the same spot again and again "respect, friendship, admiration and trust". Bottom line we know what stress is. Stress, in my case, have given me the opportunity to be refined and actually see what I am made of. My finding is "I am gold" proofed by fire. So when I feel stress and pressure of life coming upon me, I think of a smelting pot where gold is refined and then I have complete confidence and hope that through whatever comes, success will follow.
So view stress as friend rather than foe and see what gold lies underneath.
I endured much stress from being in a lasting marriage of 32 years. Much have occurred in my relationship. Being a friend have been a major key to my marital success. I consider my marriage a success because I still love, respect and admire my husband and he shows and tells me how much he adores me. My husband is a tough guy from the streets of New York City where as I was a good girl raised higher middle class with all the perks that goes along with that such as, Music lessons, dance classes, theater, fine dinning. We were so different yet our attraction was powerful and lasting. Our relationship started out with conversation only, in fact I thought at one time he may be gay. Since I was such an attractive young woman and he didn't seem to be pushing in the direction of physical intimacy, my shallow opinion of men surely proved that he must be gay, he couldn't possible resist me! (smile, chuckle, chuckle) I found him so interesting that it really didn't matter what his sexual preferences were, I enjoyed being with him. He knew much about politics, sports, poetry and Hollywood and most of all women. I had never met any person, yet alone any man like him before nor after. He filled every desire I had ever had as well as opened to me desires I hadn't even known. I don't kiss and tell, so I won't. Any who, I was speaking of stress wasn't I? Throughout our lives we have endured family disputes over child rearing, we have dealt with step family issues, which could be discussed forever. We have endured long periods of sickness, grief and bewilderment. We have fell in and out of love many times over and yet managed to return to the same spot again and again "respect, friendship, admiration and trust". Bottom line we know what stress is. Stress, in my case, have given me the opportunity to be refined and actually see what I am made of. My finding is "I am gold" proofed by fire. So when I feel stress and pressure of life coming upon me, I think of a smelting pot where gold is refined and then I have complete confidence and hope that through whatever comes, success will follow.
So view stress as friend rather than foe and see what gold lies underneath.
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