The Weight Is Getting Heavy!

Today was a real busy day as usually. I have been trying to keep my office organized which is not easy. I am running a new business and so paper is everywhere. I have always been very organized, a bit of a perfectionist, crazy you know! Anyway I know if I can keep my office organized I have real hope of keeping my life organized, but not perfect.

I have been struggling with my weight. I have gained about 12lbs over the last four months. This worries me, I know the damage I have done to myself in the past. I feel the saboteur in me is awake and ready to do harm. When I am stressed the saboteur comes alive. So much stress!

I lost my Daddy in April,I do miss him, but I have not felt to grieve yet. My son is in the process of divorce and it's getting nasty. My heart is breaking, I just keep thinking about my beautiful grandson of 11 months having his parents at odds. How is all going to turn out. Of course I am worried about my future relationship with him. I pray that my daughter-in-law will continue to work with me to have a lasting and loving relationship with him, regardless of her feeling towards my son. Did I mention I have my home up for sale. Yeah, I know this is the very worst time for selling but that's how the cards are falling for me. My new business is just in the beginning stages of growth, in other words I not making a single penny yet! Just got news that my oldest brother, I love so much, has been hospitalized after having had a minor stroke. Can a stroke really be minor? On top of everything else I found out that a check bounced not fault of mine and was charged $60.00. Do I sound like I am sitting on the pity pot? Well guess what, I AM! But just for today, this moment I need to say to myself that I have reasons for feeling so stressed out. I am normal, whatever that means.

Today, I did get to the gym and worked out for 30 mins. I hated ever moment of it, but I did feel good that I mustered up the moral strength to get it done. I realize that I don't have to like it but just have to do it. Sometimes I wonder why is it so hard for me to take care of me, I do very well at taking care of others. I do know it is harder to see about myself than others, but why?

Anyway I need to eat, only had breakfast today and it is now about 7:00pm. Not a good move for me to wait so long. I think I will check out the Internet and see if I can get a quick free recipe off of www.KitchenSavvyPlus.com, maybe something with a lot of veggies and meat. My stress is kicking up my desire to overeat. I will resist if just for 20mins. I know I can do that. This Gastric Bypass is not the easy way out of weight loss but it really does help me. This surgery did address my physical hunger but my emotional hunger, well that's another matter I must deal with. Maybe I should eat a bean burrito, that's filling and a great meal for me.

I feel to run away, but how can I run away from me?