LIVING WITH GASTRIC BYPASS SURGERY

I am very pleased with the results of my gastric bypass. I have lost a total of about of about 195 lbs, no I don't weigh 195 lbs I have lost 195 lbs. I was at the highest weight of approximately 350 lbs, size 26 dress. Now I am proud to say I weigh 155 lbs, size 8 dress. I must say I know I look very good but the true self image I still struggle with. What I mean is that when I look in the mirror I don't see a tiny woman, I see a woman who looks to be a size 16 and that is a great improvement to me. Unfortunately when I look into the mirror I see the excess skin in the stomach area, the sagging arms, thighs and face. I thought I would be happy with just losing weight but much more is involved in this journey.

Joys I have experienced is mobility vs. immobility. I remember when I couldn't get off the couch without my husband strong arms to help me, now I just get up whenever I feel to, I no longer set myself up with table filled with water, snacks, telephone, pad and pen, cell phone, etc. because I couldn't bare having to get up and down out of the Charo. I count it a true blessing indeed.

I felt great when traveling by airplane and didn't have to get extender belts. At first I wasn't sure I wouldn't need them, I wasn't sure emotionally. I wanted to shout it out"I don't need an extender belt!", but I did refrain. I sat in my seat needing to use the lavatory soooo baaaad until I realized I could get up without having the other persons next to me having to get up and down. I was really beyond myself to realize that I could actually come down the aisle at the same time the stewardess was coming down. At first I felt the panic of feeling how could I possible fit down the aisle as someone else was coming down, in the past I would have to wait for a clear aisle and hurry down before some skinny thoughtless person would get up with no consideration for us big people. I will continue to struggle because I will always be the big girl inside.

I've notice something new about myself. I realize I don't feel awkward in fine dinning restaurants ordering my chocolate desert, I don't think I see people looking at me like why is she ordering that. I use to see those looks and I hated them for it. I do notice I still look at others who are well endowed with kinship but lately I have been getting some nasty looks. I must realize that I don't look like kinship to the big people anymore and they may be misinterpreting my acknowledgement to them. That hurts because I feel the same though I look very different. I will never feel like a thin person no matter what I look like.

Sometimes I wonder where do I fit in. That may sound childish, but emotionally I am still just a child in many ways.