Today I feel so very nervous. There is this uncomfortability in my stomach, a feeling I am familiar with. Tho this feeling is common I still have difficulty identifying it. I'm not sure yet is it a friend or foe. This feeling brings me back to early girlhood, a feeling of fear, of helplessness, of being alone, afraid. Can't really figure this out because I was never alone as a child, and most of my memories are filled with happiness and laughter.>
I sometimes think that I don't really have a right to feel these emotions, which could be described as negative, because I have so many things in my life to rejoice over. I keep reminding myself that it's OK for me to feel sad, afraid, nervous, lonely and angry and this does not make me a horrible person. After all these are all just human feelings, common to man. This most important thing to remember is to go through these feelings and don't try so hard to block them out of my life, they are a part of me, they help make up who I am and what I will still become.
My emotions have always run very deep in my life. So when I am happy and glee, I'm really up there, to the moon! But when I am not I equally am down. I never seem to conscientiously let others share this part of myself. I always welcome others to share my joy and happiness of life. I like sharing all the good I have but the hurt and pain and even the shame I sometimes feel are in my secure secret place.
Well I have to get on with my day, emotions and all. I'll just have to carry an extra suitcase (full of what could be negative emotions?) with me through out the day. I am hopeful that by days end all be well in my world. Lets keep hope alive (that really is a good saying).
Signing Off, Till Later
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